Return to Provo

I returned to Provo, UT last week. It is really strange for me to be here again. Just under a year ago, I left Provo without any intention to ever return. I left to begin law school in Washington, but also because I felt my eternal progression would not continue if I did not leave.

For one thing, I was burned out by the Utah dating scene. I had tried to develop knowledge, wisdom, kindness, charity and other talents to better myself, but felt unsuccessful in finding the lasting meaningful relationships I was really looking for. At the time, I had the impression that I would never get married if I stayed in Utah. And so under intense pressure from many of my friends to not leave, I packed up my car and went off into the unknown, trusting that God would lead me to where I needed to be to find the fulfillment I was seeking.

My theme for leaving was "Gone" by Pearl Jam:

No more upset mornings
No more trying evenings
This American Dream I am disbelieving
When the gas in my tank feels like money in the bank
Gonna blow it all this time, take me one last ride
For the lights of this city, they only look good when I'm speeding
I wanna leave em all behind me cause this time I'm gone
Long gone,
This time I'm letting go of it all
So long,
This time I'm gone

In the far off distance
As my taillights fade
No one thinks to witness but they will someday
Feel like a question is forming
And the answer's far
I will be what I could be
Once I get out of this town

For the lights of this city
They have lost all feeling
Gonna leave em all behind me cause this time I'm gone
Long gone,
This time I'm letting go of it all
So long,
Long gone, I'm letting go of it all
Yeah, This time I'm gone

If nothing is everything
If nothing is everything I'll have it all
If nothing is everything then I will have it all

This song really resonated with me, and I felt that I really could be all that I could be once I left Provo. My thought at the time was that I would go to Washington and rock whatever ward I ended up in. I wanted a new start, to show them what the folks in Provo were going to miss.

But then something miraculous happened. On the way to Washington, I had one of the greatest adventures of my life with my best friend, Jennifer, and suddenly I discovered everything that was missing in my life. Hidden reservoirs of joy, happiness, laughter, excitement, love, etc. all appeared to me. The day I left Utah, I became a new person; a better person. My prompting to leave immediately provided what I was missing. And as the months unfolded, I found more than I could ever imagine finding.


It is strange to be back in Provo because I am not the same person I was before. Everything is the same, yet it is not. Many of the same people are still here. The buildings on BYU campus are exactly the same as when I left. Traffic is still crazy. The Honor Code still rules the student body.

Yet I am very different than the person who left a year ago. I truly feel that I became more like the man I want to be while living in Washington. I am an engaged to be married in three weeks to the most beautiful girl in the world. I completed my first year of law school. I had an important calling working with members of the stake presidency, high councilmen, and multiple bishoprics. Any one of these would be enough to spur major changes in anyone, yet here I had all of them combined in the space of a few short months.

I feel deja vous from the time I returned from my mission. I feel like a superhero in disguise, just another face in the congregation/crowd. Yet I think this time I'm not doing a very good job to hide my secret identity.

While it is bittersweet to leave Washington and the many wonderful missionaries, law students and Marshallese people I met there, it is wonderful being reunited with Jen, and hopefully to stay. I am trying to transfer down here to BYU or the U so we can be together in the fall. Regardless of where we end up, I know that God will use us to create good around us.

I feel great and exciting things are coming our way, and I am excited to face these adventures with my best friend.