Salt Lake City Declares War On Sandy!

This made me laugh pretty hard...recently Robert Kirby of the Salt Lake Tribune chaperoned a number of 2nd graders to meet with the mayor of Salt Lake City. As reported in his column, Kirby documented the first crucial question the kids would ask their mayor:

Kid No. 1: 'Are you going to start a war with Sandy City?'
Mayor's Answer: 'What? Of course not. Sandy City is our neighbor and friend.'

All I have to say is I'd like to see a Salt Lake City army try to get through Murray to invade Sandy! I don't know which would claim more victims: the asbestos tainted ground, strip clubs and state liquor stores, or the ridiculously affordable cars.

Smokestacks for Life!

Crazy People Make Me Laugh

Crazy people make me laugh. Always have, probably always will. I always get a thrill meeting strange people, and my life certainly has not been found lacking in that department. Which may be why I find the web strip Garfield Minus Garfield so hilarious...the website describes this as a comic about "schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life." When I was a kid, I thought Garfield was hilarious. This is way funnier than I remember it being...

'Apinetai ko e Palofita

Call me crazy, but I really love reading the Book of Mormon in other languages. I've read it so many times in English, that I found myself not paying as much attention as I should. Starting on my mission with the Hawaiian language, I've found that I get more out of my reading when it is in another language. I am forced to read it more slowly, and thus pay more attention. But even more importantly, the different languages render familiar sayings in unique ways, leading to greater insight or new interpretations that weren't seen before.

Currently, I'm in Mosaia of my new Tongan translation of "Ko e Tohi 'a Molomona" which came out last year. This time while reading, I think I finally understand the story of Abinadi in king Noah's court. King Noah's people are having a crazy, wild fun time breaking the laws of God, so God sends the Prophet Abinadi to tell the people they needed to repent or they were going to be destroyed. The King and his priests get mad at him for trying to ruin their fun, so they arrest him and have a mock trial before they kill him. Before being killed, Abinadi prophecies about the death of the king and other events which all eventually come true. The story is also symbolic of Jesus Christ preaching repentance to the Jews of his day, being rejected and killed by them.

Now, the part I've always wondered about was at the beginning of Abinadi's trial, one of the priests quotes seemingly random verses from Isaiah:

And it came to pass that one of them said unto him: What meaneth the words which are written, and which have been taught by our fathers, saying:

How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings; that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good; that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth; Thy watchmen shall lift up the voice; with the voice together shall they sing; for they shall see eye to eye when the Lord shall bring again Zion; Break forth into joy; sing together ye waste places of Jerusalem; for the Lord hath comforted his people, he hath redeemed Jerusalem; The Lord hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations, and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God?

-Mosiah 12:20-24

Now, if I was a wicked priest who doesn't like upstart prophets coming along and telling my followers to stop listening to me, my first thought wouldn't be to read random verses from the Old Testament to him and think that by itself would kill him off. I've always tried to understand what on earth they were trying to get at with these verses, because it obviously backfires and Abinadi then goes off for several chapters about the mission of Christ and condemning the priests for not teaching the people about this.

Here's what I think the priests were trying to get at: I think the priests were trying to use these verses to prove Abinadi was not a real prophet from God. I think they were presenting that if Abinadi was a real prophet, he would have brought a message of peace to the people, instead of:

Thus saith the Lord, it shall come to pass that this generation, because of their iniquities, shall be brought into bondage, and shall be smitten on the cheek; yea, and shall be driven by men, and shall be slain; and the vultures of the air, and the dogs, yea, and the wild beasts, shall devour their flesh.

And it shall come to pass that I will smite this my people with sore afflictions, yea, with famine and with pestilence; and I will cause that they shall howl all the day long.

And it shall come to pass that except they repent I will utterly destroy them from off the face of the earth.

-Mosiah 12:2,4,8 (italics added)

I think the priests were using those verses from Isaiah to show that Abinadi's message of destruction couldn't be from God because God obviously loves his people and wouldn't punish them like that. Abinadi instead runs with those verses and even quotes some of Isaiah himself to show that not all prophets preach nothing but peace, including Isaiah himself. He quotes Isaiah to talk about the suffering Christ would go through to atone for our sins. Abinadi was teaching that the role of prophets is to not just encourage the people in their good activities, but to also tell them to repent.

The story of King Noah and Abinadi illustrates the principle taught later in the Book of Mormon by Samuel the Lamanite:

Yea, wo unto this people, because of this time which has arrived, that ye do cast out the prophets, and do mock them, and cast stones at them, and do slay them, and do all manner of iniquity unto them, even as they did of old time. And now when ye talk, ye say: If our days had been in the days of our fathers of old, we would not have slain the prophets; we would not have stoned them, and cast them out.

Behold ye are worse than they; for as the Lord liveth, if a prophet come among you and declareth unto you the word of the Lord, which testifieth of your sins and iniquities, ye are angry with him, and cast him out and seek all manner of ways to destroy him; yea, you will say that he is a false prophet, and that he is a sinner, and of the devil, because he testifieth that your deeds are evil.

But behold, if a man shall come among you and shall say: Do this, and there is no iniquity; do that and ye shall not suffer; yea, he will say: Walk after the pride of your own hearts; yea, walk after the pride of your eyes, and do whatsoever your heart desireth—and if a man shall come among you and say this, ye will receive him, and say that he is a prophet. Yea, ye will lift him up, and ye will give unto him of your substance; ye will give unto him of your gold, and of your silver, and ye will clothe him with costly apparel; and because he speaketh flattering words unto you, and he saith that all is well, then ye will not find fault with him.

-Helaman 13:24-28

So I guess the real application is how do we respond to the prophets' council in our day? Do we just listen to the parts when they commend us for our good deads? Or do we hearken to the warnings they give us? We are warned against anger, pornography, going into debt, food storage, etc.

On another related note, you might be interested to know my opinion about the FLDS situation in Texas. I was speaking with my mother about this a few days after the raid happened, and she was quite surprised when I referred her to some comments of President Woodruff after the Official Declaration #1:

I have had some revelations of late, and very important ones to me, and I will tell you what the Lord has said to me. Let me bring your minds to what is termed the manifesto. . . .

The Lord has told me to ask the Latter-day Saints a question, and He also told me that if they would listen to what I said to them and answer the question put to them, by the Spirit and power of God, they would all answer alike, and they would all believe alike with regard to this matter.

The question is this: Which is the wisest course for the Latter-day Saints to pursue—to continue to attempt to practice plural marriage, with the laws of the nation against it and the opposition of sixty millions of people, and at the cost of the confiscation and loss of all the Temples, and the stopping of all the ordinances therein, both for the living and the dead, and the imprisonment of the First Presidency and Twelve and the heads of families in the Church, and the confiscation of personal property of the people (all of which of themselves would stop the practice); or, after doing and suffering what we have through our adherence to this principle to cease the practice and submit to the law, and through doing so leave the Prophets, Apostles and fathers at home, so that they can instruct the people and attend to the duties of the Church, and also leave the Temples in the hands of the Saints, so that they can attend to the ordinances of the Gospel, both for the living and the dead?

The Lord showed me by vision and revelation exactly what would take place if we did not stop this practice. If we had not stopped it, you would have had no use for . . . any of the men in this temple at Logan; for all ordinances would be stopped throughout the land of Zion. Confusion would reign throughout Israel, and many men would be made prisoners. This trouble would have come upon the whole Church, and we should have been compelled to stop the practice. Now, the question is, whether it should be stopped in this manner, or in the way the Lord has manifested to us, and leave our Prophets and Apostles and fathers free men, and the temples in the hands of the people, so that the dead may be redeemed. A large number has already been delivered from the prison house in the spirit world by this people, and shall the work go on or stop? This is the question I lay before the Latter-day Saints. You have to judge for yourselves. I want you to answer it for yourselves. I shall not answer it; but I say to you that that is exactly the condition we as a people would have been in had we not taken the course we have.

. . . I saw exactly what would come to pass if there was not something done. I have had this spirit upon me for a long time. But I want to say this: I should have let all the temples go out of our hands; I should have gone to prison myself, and let every other man go there, had not the God of heaven commanded me to do what I did do; and when the hour came that I was commanded to do that, it was all clear to me. I went before the Lord, and I wrote what the Lord told me to write. . . .

I leave this with you, for you to contemplate and consider. The Lord is at work with us. (Cache Stake Conference, Logan, Utah, Sunday, November 1, 1891. Reported in Deseret Weekly, November 14, 1891., italic added)

I just find it interesting that everything President Woodruff said he saw happening is occurring with these people. Just something to think, because I do believe, like Pres. Woodruff said, the Lord is at work with us, because there still is a prophet on the earth today, and time left for us to repent.

Missionary Moments - Power of Love

The Following is an article from the LDS Church News, 4-26-2008:

Lisa Chavez was raised a member of another church. However, as she grew older, she came to consider herself non-denominational. Her good friend Melinda Silverman was a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who often tried to interest her in religion.

The one thing Lisa knew from her religious rearing was "Mormons were bad."

Several years ago, Lisa had a 3-year-old son who lay desperately ill in a hospital. In desperation, she asked Melinda for help. Her friend sent missionaries to the hospital; they gave the boy a blessing. Within 30 minutes, the little boy had regained strength and was running around. The family was astonished.

Out of gratitude, Lisa agreed to invite the missionaries to her home for a meal. Afterward, the missionaries made an appointment and began teaching her the gospel, but it was evident that lifelong traditions and prejudices were hard to shake. Over the course of several discussions, the conversations became a difference of ideologies and often ended in an impasse.

During a moment of quiet in one discussion, Elder Roman Matthew from the Marshall Islands spoke. He hadn't said much on previous occasions because of his limited language skills. Mustering courage and speaking in halting English, he bore his testimony. Lisa rejected his testimony and said he was misguided.

A tear began to roll down Elder Matthew's cheek, then another down the other cheek.

Lisa softened and apologized. "You haven't hurt my feelings," he said in response to her apology. "I love you."

Elder Matthew spreading the good word in Colorado.

Several nights later, she decided she would listen again, this time, with the desire to learn. A testimony blossomed and she was baptized about four weeks later. Her husband soon followed in baptism, as well as her mother, who hadn't attended a church in years.

Lisa now resides in the Pueblo West 2nd Ward, Pueblo Colorado Stake, and eagerly seeks opportunities to share her testimony. — Shaun D. Stahle

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Photo of Roman Matthew's Baptism: Elder Bryan Boaz, Zach Mizutani, Roman Matthew, Matson Matthew, and Elder Brian Tanner.

Roman Matthew was one of the first Marshallese people I met in Hawai'i. Considering that my companion and I were nearly killed when we got lost going to his home and accidentally entered the restricted section of Pearl Harbor, it was a memorable experience for me being able to meet him for the first time. He helped me learn Marshallese and was later baptized by his older brother Matson. Since then, I have been adopted by the Matthew family.

Two of the neatest experiences of my life were being able to take care of both Matson and Roman when they came to Utah before entering the MTC. One of the most memorable experiences was when I left him unattended for a few minutes in the Cougar Eat on BYU campus and found him a few minutes later eating vanilla ice cream in 20 degree weather! Here's a kid who's never experienced cold like this before, and I found him chowing down on vanilla ice cream! His mother would have killed me had she known I let him do that.

Not long after he entered the MTC, "Elder Matthew the Second" experienced several severe headaches and even blacked out once. He ended up staying in Utah for a little while longer to make sure he was healthy enough to continue on his mission to Colorado. His sister, Mala, and I couldn't help but think these headaches were really ice cream headaches caused from too much ice cream consumption...

The church news article took place in Pueblo, CO, which was his first area. Contrary to what this article says, he speaks English perfectly after having lived in Hawai'i for many years and graduating from high school there. Similar to other Marshallese people, he's shy at times, and no greenies really talk very much in their first area anyway...well...the normal greenies that is.

Elder Roman Matthew and a piggy friend.

After much success, "Elder Matthew the Second" finished a highly successful mission at the end of February of this year. He had an hour layover in the Salt Lake City airport which his mother asked me and several other Marshallese people in the area to try and see him. Several Marshallese guys all work at the airport, including Bryan Boaz, my companion who helped teach him, so we had a pretty good chance of being able to see him. I had planned to go, but had talked myself out of trying to see him because I didn't think there would be any chance for Bryan to find him, get him out of the secure area of the airport to met to chat, and then get him back through security and onto the plane in the space of an hour.

Just as I was pulling up to work the next morning, I got a phone call from Bryan Boaz who asked me, "Guess who I have with me?" I nearly choked...ROMAN? What on earth was he still doing in Utah the next day?! Apparently Roman had been having so much fun "bwebwenato/talkin' story" with the guys in the airport that he'd missed his plane home. Who misses their plane coming home from their mission? My mother would have killed me...his mother had practice already when Matson was delayed getting home due to a huge typhoon, but still...

Bryan had found Roman still at the airport the next morning when he went to work. Not knowing any of our phone numbers, he had spent the night in the airport. Wanting to correct that mistake, Bryan had wisked him home, fed him breakfast and shower.

Cassidy Matthew, Brian Tanner, Elder Roman Matthew, Abija Bano and Bryan Boaz in the SLC airport, Feb. 2008.

It was a miracle that one of the missionaries that had baptized him found him while going to work in the airport that morning. The coincidence is too baffling for me to explain otherwise. Bryan had answered Mama Matthew's prayers and had performed the work of an angel in saving him. Elder Roman Matthew was able to have a farewell party after all, seeing four missionaries that he'd known in Hawai'i.

My mother found the church news article that began this post last Saturday and went ballistic. My father and her were telling everyone in my home ward about this, and everyone was so excited to see an article about someone that had been baptized by someone they know in the church news. I just think that it was interesting that this article was titled the Power of Love, because really, that's what makes the Marshallese people so amazing to me. When we are filled with "iakwe/aloha/love," we cannot be surprised when Missionary Moments happen everywhere we go.

Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower today.

Now I know what you're thinking, I'm a handsome, single, free-lovin' guy. What on earth was I doing at a baby shower?

That's easy to explain. I was invited.

One of my good friends (who just so happens to be Happy! Wahoo! I love Happy People!) was having a baby shower and decided to have a co-ed baby shower. She invited me and all of my roommates to come. The others felt uncomfortable about the idea of going to a baby shower, so they chickened out. I guess I just love her more than them, either that or I'm more starved for entertainment and adventure.

Getting a gift certificate at Target (because I didn't feel comfortable picking out baby clothes or diapers...I don't even know if it's going to be a boy or girl), and having made a hilarious card, I felt ready for my cultural experience with the female gender. Not having any sisters, it felt like scenario Terry Pratchett wrote about where a knight enters a cave with a nearby sign saying "Here be Dragons."

The Front and Back of the Card, featuring myself and Mrs. Duncan with Michelle Chisholm, my roommate's sister.

Hoping into my car, I began driving towards the address on the card. 18 N. 1500 E. Now, I don't know how well you know Provo, but there is no such place as 18 N. 1500 E. The area where that address should be is actually part of the state mental hospital. Now, I already knew that there was a mental hospital there, but since the address said there was a house there, I figured there must have been a cottage or something there right next to it. I'm sure they joke a lot about their crazy neighbors. Maybe the patients do their yard work or something, right? That seemed perfectly logical at the time.

The inside of the card, featuring members of the Waipahu 3rd Ward Primary. From left to right, Sister Boaz (neice of my companion who taught me Marshallese), Paul Ceaser (grandson of the woman who made the amimono flowers in my car), Jun Jun (William Swain Jr., the son of the man who translated the Marshallese Book of Mormon), and Brother Boaz (again, the nephew of Bryan Boaz). Further proof that Marshallese kids are the cutest in the world.

So there I was driving up to the state mental hospital looking for a baby shower, thinking how absurd all of this was. Of course there was no cozy little cottage with mental patients doing the yard work outside, just the mental hospital, with loonies running around in the road, like I'd been expecting.

Now, a more stubborn/crazy person would probably burst through the doors of the loony bin shouting "Hey everybody! The parties here! Wahoo! Where's the baby?! Who has the baby? Did you bring the diapers?" and so on, and would probably found himself doing the "yard work" a few hours later.

Because I'm not that dumb or stubborn, I broke down and called them to find out that the correct address was really around 1800 N. Whoops, now there's a typo. I found the real address and had a crazy fun time with my friends there. Mrs. Jessi was literally twice as big as the last time I saw her, which I thought was awesome. Oh, and don't worry, there were more guys there than girls when I showed up, and I didn't see a single diaper. The only baby shower game I saw was Mario Kart 64 on the Nintendo, so it hardly felt like a baby shower at all. No dragons at all.

I have a British friend (who is also Happy) who is always trying to get me to quit my day job and become a movie writer because she thinks my stories are hilarious. That scenario with the guy bursting into the mental hospital looking for a baby shower probably make for a pretty unique movie. We could even call it "Baby Shower."

Maybe I shouldn't quit my day job just yet...