Junk Mail

As law school graduation approaches, I've been getting spammed with junkmail for graduation announcement and diploma plaques. Today while getting the mail, I received another envelope of "Important graduation information" addressed to "Brian Tanner or Current Resident".

Knowing it was just another junk mailer, I announced "Rudy, you got a letter" and tried to hand it to him. Rudy sniffed it and then rejected my offer. I then turned and offerred it to Louie. "Louie, it's for you!" Louie ran up to the letter, chomped his jaws on it, thrashed it from side to side and then spat it out onto the ground.

Thus is the fate of junk mail in our house.

Kids, Don’t Rap at the Drive-through in Utah or You’ll Be Arrested

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Nailed 'Em - Drive-Through Rapping
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Fox News

These kids should have done it B-Money style with clean lyrics...oh wait...they did.

Terrorist Dogs and Other Conspiracies

As I’ve said before, being a moderate makes me freak out when I see extremism on either the far right or far left. Unfortunately, living in Utah I see more of the far right being displayed. Here are some humorous examples of far right extremism from the Colbert Report:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Middle Eastern Dogs
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care reform

Let’s be honest…I’m not surprised about dogs being terrorists. Rudy used to be pretty destructive when Jen first found him and took him off the street. What is shocking is how people respond to the Census:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
United States Census 2010
www.colbertnation.com
Colbert Report Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care reform

Tonight is when the Utah Democrats and Republicans will be holding their around the state. You can get more information about the meetings here.

You can also find out what district you are in here.

With the recent passage of the Health Care Reform Bill, I'm sure tomorrow night will be a pretty wild and cacophonous night at the Republican caucus meetings. I plan to go to my area's Republican meeting to try to be the moderate voice of reason in the room. I'm really concerned about these extremely right-wing tea partiers trying to further push their radical agenda on the state, and want to do all that I can to temper the insanity.

Please try to attend your local meeting to try to talk some sense into these wackos! PLEASE!

And as if we needed another reason to show up, Super Dell is running for governor again!  We have to stop this guy!

Sarah Palin in the Inlander

I Saw You:

Riverside Family Foods

Tues. night 11-17-09. The spark was immediate when our eyes connected upon entering the store. Was so glad to see you had forgotten the romaine lettuce. Wish the environment would have allowed for more of a conversation. Was hoping to catch you in the parking lot but you already had the car in gear. Thought about you all the way home. Hope our paths cross again!!

Stout Lovers 11-21

You and mom were sampling at Northern Lights after Disney on Ice. We all talked a little. Not enough for me. I'd build the dance floor to share it with you.

Empyrean Show

I saw you at the Friends of the Empyrean show. It was around 11PM, and The Globes were on stage. You with your sporadic, jerky movements of the neck that I am guessing are what you would call dance moves. Not to mention your uncanny good looks and charming smile... I noticed you in your blue hoodie, and I'm fairly certain you noticed me in my striped sweater. You seem like a really genuine person, and I hope to see you around. If you'd like to have some coffee or catch another show sometime contact me in the "You Saw Me" section.

Players & Spectators

Went there for drinks with friends and became completely distracted. You: Beautiful blonde dreadlocks, sexy eyes, intoxicating smile and septum piercing dancing with a couple of your girls. Me: Came up & commented on your hair & got your name, 'Lindsay', but was too shy to get your number at the time (which I've regretted all night). Let's correct that mistake. Coffee? Drinks?

Cd'A Fred Meyers

I saw you on Dec. 10th at the Cd'A Fred Meyers. You were wearing glasses and hugging children. I'm pretty sure that you were signing books that you had written. While I was fighting in line with the soccer moms you looked up and winked at me... you seem so familiar.. Didn't you call me a pro-american once? Or was it when you were discussing our neighboring country called Afghanistan. Would you like to meet up sometime and go on a $150,000 shopping spree, we can bill it to America tax payers. Until then don't kill any moose without me

I’m pretty sure the last one was about Sarah Pallin’s Coeur D'Alene, ID visit on her national campaign, I mean book tour. I laughed out loud repeatedly the first time I read this, especially at the part that said “you were hugging children.”

On a related note, Jen and I saw on the news last night people camped out overnight, in subzero temperatures  at the local Costco waiting to get their books autographed by Palin. I wanted to go see the “true believers” in person, but Jen wouldn’t let me. It’s probably for the best, because they’d probably wouldn’t have appreciated my moderate views.

If I go to Costco, what book character should I dress up as?

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Excitement Over Sarah Palin's Book Release
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

Fantastic Mr. Fox

Jen and I, in the need for some spontaneous fun after moving this weekend, went to watch the new claymation film, Fantastic Mr. Fox. This quirky movie had me laughing out loud hilariously the entire time, and I rarely find films these days funny. It reminded me of a claymation version of O Brother, Where Art Thou?

The basic plot is the former chicken thief Mr. Fox who has since given up his life of crime for his wife decides to pull off one last master plan and make his wicked neighbors, Boggis, Bunce and Bean look like fools in the process.

One thing I really liked about the film what the general clean language. All swear words are replaced by the phrase “cuss” whenever one would normally expect a swear word, which I found really clever instead of foul.

I generally try to support creative and qualitative films when they come out, so I strongly recommend this one. Here’s the trailer:

The Latest Inlander

More cheesy fun from the latest issue.

I Saw You:

Spokane Courthouse

There you were walking down the deep hallway at the courthouse, Thursday, Nov. 12th on the 3rd floor, tall, tint of color, brown eyes, nice dark haircut, perfect with every inch, walking with you is a shorter girl with different colored hair. I hope she is your friend or family of some kind. Some day I wish to have your strong arms wrapped around me! Coffee?

Valley Rosauers

Long dark hair beautiful smile: I have not seen you at work for a very long time, but soon as you come back I would love to take you on a date? Remember your eyes are still sparkling in the sky at night!!!!!

You Saw Me:

Re: Grizzly Adams

Like raindrops are drawn to soil, I am drawn to you.
I love you like plague loves boils, Like morning light loves the dew.
You saw me sipping some whiskey and writing some poetry too.
Since I think that I'd like to get frisky, I'll reply to your I Saw you.

Yikes. That’s just a little too weird.

Cheers:

Book Club Girls

Thank you Book Club girls! Your non-judgemental support and laughter makes me realize why I am so lucky to live here! I love you ladies! You are so hot! Carl

Oh man, that Carl at the end was unexpected. Jen and I laughed soo hard.

Jeers:

Shopping Karts

Why do you leave shopping karts in the middle of the parking lot? You know who you are. The kart return area is ten steps away. Has shopping exhausted you so much that you can't even take ten more steps to return the kart in an appropriate place? Are you too lazy? Ignorant? Important? These karts end up blocking parking spots and drive lanes; you're lazyness/ignorance is inconveniencing people who have real business to do. So from now on when I see someone who leaves their kart out in the parking lot I'm going to put the kart in my truck, discreetly follow you home and leave the cart in your front yard. Then pray you learn diligence and responsibility.

Faith

To a certain pastor of a church, thank you for confirming my non-belief in organized religion. My Grandmother is on her death bed and instead of saying you couldn't make it out to say a final prayer with her, you promised me you would come & never showed. I guess since she hasn't attended church in a few years because of the onset of alzheimers & hasn't given money to your church in awhile, she is no longer important. If this is what 20 years of devotion to a congregation gets you, I think I will put my faith in more reliable things. Thanks again.

This one makes me want to be a good priesthood holder so that I never cause anyone to feel like that.

Cheers from the Inlander

Here are some more awesome I Saw You and Cheers ads comments from the latest issues of the Inlander:

To All The Single Women
In Idaho and Washington, all sizes and shapes. You are beautiful on the inside and out. Remember Lips are the pathway to romance.

Oh man, I don't know why, but that cracked me up soo hard. I say this to Jen all of the time now..."To all of the married women in this room, you are beautiful on the inside and out. Remember Lips are the pathway to romance."

Here's some more:

Neighbor Down The Street
I see you almost every day as you live just a few houses down the street. We haven't spoke at all but wave when ever we pass by and it always makes my face smile even when I don't want it too. I wish you would just come say Hi some time.

Bank Teller
I always thought banks were institutional. I never thought I would walk in & see u. The blonde teller that made me forget everything. Hooray to B of A for hiring you. I was tall guy that was cracking jokes & hopefully sweeping you off your feet.

Radical Gay Agenda

This is news clip from a recent gay-rights march on Washington D.C. It has a compelling theory about the real motivation for the homosexual equal rights movement:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Queer and Loathing in D.C. - Radical Gay Agenda
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Health Care Crisis

No matter your opinion about marriage rights for homosexuals, this is pretty funny. What do you think about the subject?

Apartment Search

Jen and I are searching for a new apartment in Salt Lake City to move to in December. This is not because we don't love where we're at, but because we want to move closer to the U of U so I won't have a four hour commute everyday anymore. Jen loves me!

In our apartment search, Jen's come across a lot of funny rating and reviews on ApartmentRatings.com. Here are a few:

"The pictures looked nice, but the apartment smelled like urine."

"It seemed nice at first, until my neighbor got shot and killed."

"Yeah he got shot outside my door, but seriously, that could have happened anywhere."

"Close to world class ski resorts!" - In Midvale.

"I got locked in the racquetball area and then made me pay $50 to borrow the equipment."

"I do not like this place. I have been here three months and just found out I have to put the gas bill in my name....They don't even do repairs within 24 hours!"

"Ghetto. Ghetto. Ghetto."

"My neighbor kept beating his wife, and I notified the security patrol about it, who told me 'It's not our problem, call the police.'"

"I'm a single female, living alone, and I feel safe because security is always patrolling." Posted about the same complex with several violent reviews. I suspect that one was written by a rapist.

"This place is auto-theft paradise!"

"I lived in this place for quite some time and had nothing but problems here for the last couple of years. The first problem was due to the pigeons that live in the area. These pigeons roost, nest and raise their young on the balconies of the complex. I literally had ten pounds of pigeon waste on my balcony at one point, and the management would do nothing about it until I contacted the health department."

"RUN!!! no matter what they offer you!!"

"[N]ever live ANYWHERE near apartment 602[,] unless you like high school kids who don[']t ever go to school, don[']t work and run a drug selling operation out of there apartment. [I]f you like random people coming by at all times of the day and night, then they would be your ideal neighbors. So request to live near apartment 602."

"If you value your life, property, sanity, hearing, and safety, please do not even think of this place as an option. Go to a homeless shelter if you are that desperate, it would be better than here."



"We thought it would be romantic for our first apartment as newly weds to face the duck pond. But then the ducks kept us up all night quacking." - Jen is actually really interested in that apartment becausethey have gas stoves, washer/dryers, and fireplaces. Rudy is really interested in the ducks.

Jeers in the Inlander! - Zombies

As written before, Jen and I love Spokane's "The Inlander." After a few months of withdrawals, we finally subscribed to it to be delivered to our home each week for more Spokanite fun! I'll probably write more excerpts from the magazine in the future from the "I Saw You" section.

In addition to hilarious poetry and desperate people, the I Saw You section also has a Cheers and Jeers section for extremely bitter and angry can write in about who ticked them off this week. The past few weeks there has been a back-and-forth debate between jaywalkers (if some people slow down for us, it's ok to cross) and road raging drivers (cross at crosswalks, or don't cross at all!), but this week there was a true gem in the Jeers section:

Zombie

Jeers! Jeers ten-fold to the zombie who ate my date's brain saturday night! Do you know how hard I've been looking for a beautiful, intelligent, single woman?!? When I first saw you rise from your grave, did I run and have a mob come hunt you down? NO! I throw you a bone, and you eat my date. Jeers!!! Are there any beautiful and intelligent women left? Where are you? Back to the dating scene...ugh. I have zombie repellent ready for the next date, so back off.

That poor guy. His date's brain was eaten by a zombie!

Doggie Bumper Cars

My dog Rudy got in a fender bender the other day. Rudy loves wrestling and rough-housing with people and other dogs, and one of his favorite wrestling buddies is a neighbor dog named Tala. Tala is also a husky, and a little bit larger than Rudy, but they love to bash into each other for hours.

The other day Rudy was out playing in the field in our backyard with Tala when Tala's owners called to Rudy. Rudy started charging full speed down the hill toward them. Tala, seeing Rudy running down the hill, thought it would be fun if he ran full speed into him. There was a loud thud and both dogs were dazed and limping for a few moments afterward. Tala's owners were horrified, thinking they had seriously hurt each other. But because both dogs are made from bricks and concrete, they were fine. They ran into each other a few more times at full speed thinking it was so much fun. The dogs are hilarious.

Rudy now has a scar on the lower right part of his nose where his fur and skin were ripped away where Tala hit him. He'll probably have it for a month or so until his fur can grow back.

Just another reason why we don't let Rudy drive. He'd ram other cars thinking it be fun!

Rudy driving? Not anytime soon with his driving record.

When Daddy Comes Home

Around 3:00 AM last weekend, after having been up for 22 hours with no sleep, I made up this silly parody of "When Daddy Comes Home". I thought it was soo funny that I made Jen record me right away. I call it "Rudy's When Daddy Comes Home". Rudy always misses me because I'm always gone all day long, everyday. I'm sure this is what he thinks when I come home from a long day at school because he's always really excited to see me.

Every day when daddy gets home, glad as you know what!
Wag my tail and jump for joy and sniff him in the butt.
Wrestle him to the ground, bite him hard like this!
Snap at his face, and give him what? A great big LICK!

What do you think?

Torture

In my Constitutional Law II class this week at the U of U, we were discussing the torture tactics used by the Bush Administration. Our professor sent us a video link to a pretty funny video on the serious subject that uses arguments from both sides.


Is Using A Minotaur To Gore Detainees A Form Of Torture?

I Saw You in the Inlander

One of the highlights for my week living here in Spokane is reading the "I Saw You" personal ads in the Inlander. The Inlander is a free magazine covering local events that is available in an shop or business around town, including my school. Jen discovered the hidden gem of the "I Saw You" page one week, and we became addicted. Every week she would collect the new edition and we would laugh our heads off while reading them together. 

The premise behind the I Saw You ad is that a person sees someone around town they think is really hott, but is too shy/lame to get their number, or an act of God prevents them from otherwise being able to contact them again. So to remedy the situation, they write in to the Inlander magazine in hopes that the object of their affection/lust will read it, and contact them for coffee/a scandalous rendezvous in the underwear department of Wal-Mart/etc. A typical I Saw You ad goes like this: 

Wal-Mart on Wellesley. 

You, burly man wearing flannel and a hunting hat. Me, middle aged woman in an electric cart. We kept running into each other in the cheap DVD section and knocked a bunch onto the floor. I knew it was love at first sight. You touched my shoulder and I can't stop thinking about you. Etc. Etc.

Ok, so that was two different ads from the past combined together, but you get the idea that this is a strange collection of stalkerish people looking for love. One of my favorites from the past said something to the effect of "You looked like an angel, if angels had gauged ears, a barbell in their nose, a pierced tongue, and skull tattoos all over their arms." The Inlander has been a great source of cheesy jokes to hit on Jen with.

Here are some actual I Saw You ads in the Inlander this week, reproduced, word for word, without any embellishment:

Can't Wait to Pay My Bill

To the hottest guy at the Cricket store on Mission. you make the 45 minute wait worth it. yes, I can pay my bill online and avoid a fee, but listening to you explain and break down my bill makes me want to pay my fee to you over and over again. I really love the way you make me feel like I'm the only customer in the room. Quizno's sometime?

Gonzaga U

Gorgeous brunette leaving Gonzaga U in a brand new Volvo you look like the smart sexy type with a sunny disposition. Care for a little trip with a guy who will treat you like the goddess you are? How about Vienna in the springtime?

Workout Chic

You, awesome workout chic. Me, Airway Heights front desk dude. If you're unattached and interested, how about a run sometime?

Girl Working At Kmart

Eye contact is usually broken beyond repair but we kept gluing it back together. We knew what each other were thinking. You are beautiful and I wanted to say something but you were getting a price check on the baby fence.

Hippie Flower Child

I saw you, sitting at the parking verification counter Sat. evening on April 25th. Your seductive eyes pulled me in and your coy smile stole my heart away. In the 30 seconds it took you to verify my parking, I thought of a million ways I wanted to impress you but I doubted my stellar dinosaur impression was enough to win you over. Perhaps we can get together sometime. You can make me a hemp necklace while I serenade you with some Bob Marley.

Girl With Red Hair

You on Division by Fast Eddies. Me: In cowboy hat with aviators in a red car. Our eyes met for what felt like eternity. I looked away, then looked back to lock eyes. My heart jumped in my throat. What's your name?

GU Diva

I saw you outside of Crosby on GU's campus. You were wearing hot pink jean pants and a blue American Eagle hoodie. I wanted to talk to you but you were with two guys that were very intimidating looking. I hop you're not a player because I want to be the only one for you. Then I saw you hit one of the guys & that's when I knew you were the diva for me.

Marmot Finder

I saw you April 24, near Gonzaga Law School. I shared some McDonald's breakfast with you and you helped my dog search for a yellow-bellied marmot. You: hott body with a kind demeanor, blue eyes and handsome smile that made me melt. Me: curly hair, carrying poop bags. you've been on my mind constantly. I'm convinced that you're the man I want to marry. Let's go walking, hand in hand. I'll rock your world.

The last one was actually written by Jen about our last morning together before she moved back to Utah. We had been up really late the night before packing up her truck, so we were pretty tired the next morning. I had a rare break between Civil Procedure and Torts classes and we had breakfast together while Rudy went hunting for Marmots. We had always talked about writing into the Inlander with some really scandalous sounding I Saw You ad for everyone else who reads these for pleasure entertainment like we do. We had a really good laugh when I read this ad to Jen this week.

Marmot hunting.

Jen actually used some of our favorite ads to teach a lesson on flirting during the local single's ward's FHE. I know I'm biased, but this really was the best lesson on dating I've ever sat through because Jen focused on recognizing the great worth of the souls of others around you. She talked about how when we can become kinder people and better flirts by recognizing our own personal value and genuinely expressing love/respect for others through eye contact and smiling. 

She pointed out how the people that these ads were written about were all good flirts. You notice how most of them talk about eye contact and smiling, and how it gives the writer the feeling that they are important to them. Jen taught that if we are better about expressing love for others, not only will be have more friends, but we can help others want to come closer to God by feeling that love.

That's sure true for me. It is strange that as a result of loving Jen, I want to be a better man. There is a lot of symbolism in the fact that by growing closer to another person, we are learning how to draw closer to God. By learning to relying on another person and trust them, we learn how to better rely on Christ and trust him that his atonement will truly save us.

I feel really honored that Jen would want to write an I Saw You ad about me. How should I respond?

Snoutbreak 2009

My father calls the media a terrorist organization, and weeks like this one tend to prove it. While a potentially more serious flu strain is something to be concerned about, wide spread panic and fear is not the way to combat the flu. Prudential matters such as getting some food storage in order is fine; stock piling guns to kill the flu zombies is not. Alas, the media often fails to live up to their duty to educate, and instead reach for ratings by sowing fear among the masses.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
The Last 100 Days
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Please don't target me for being a rational voice in unrational times like the reporter in this clip. Honestly, we're going to be ok. Let's worry about helping Latin America and other developing nations which don't have the resources to deal with a flu outbreak. Medical care at earlier stages will help save lives; let's do what we can to make those more available to the people who need it most.

Baracknophobia - Obey

I am a big news junkie. I love reading the newspaper every morning. I can talk to you about most current world events (current events meaning international politics and world events. I try not to pay attention to weird domestic news like parents killing their children, etc.). I usually have an open mind, and feel I'm able to see both sides on multiple issues.

I've watched a number of people and friends become extremely passionate, for good and bad, about President Obama's politics. I found this clip, while an admittedly biased opinion, but one that still rings true. A change in government does not necessarily and change in domestic policies does not equate to tyranny. This is a pretty fair assessment of how politics work. We don't always agree with what our leaders do, but we always have the ability to elect new ones. If you don't like a policy, elect a new leader. But don't go around spewing talk about rebellion. That's ridiculous, and is only going to ruin our country for everyone, and not just for the liberals.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

It especially concerns me how fanatically passionate people are becoming about taxes. Taxes are not necessarily a bad thing, and we need a certain amount of taxation to keep our country, states and municipalities running. What is the right amount can be argued and that is fine to be debated. However, I personally would rather pay higher taxes than my children. If we don't increase taxes at all, our nation is going to fall apart. If you're irritated about unkempt streets, then because all of the state have budgets that don't have enough money.

Here's another clip I found interesting about taxation:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Tea Party Tyranny
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

Taxation without representation means that you are unable to participate in the democratic process of electing leaders, not that your leaders don't do what you want them to do. All Americans have the ability to participate in the political process, however some choose not to. We do not always have to agree with what our leaders do, and that's fine.

Please don't start any treasonous anti-government hate groups. Let's do our best to keep our political parties from becoming "anti-everyone else" or "anti-anything Republican/Democrat" hate groups. Let's work more towards understanding and respecting other people's views, and not closing our minds to valid ideas.

Measure of a Man

I proposed to my girlfriend Jennifer on New Year's Eve. I'm sorry this post isn't going to be that story (which will be coming soon! honest!). Since that time, I feel like a real man now, one who can tackle any and all obstacles with maturity. To celebrate this, I wanted to share my favorite church video from 1962 that I found online today...Measure of a Man.

It's the story of a nice boy going for a wild night on the town with his friends to get some root beer. Beginning with broken promises to mom to be home before 10:00, the night spirals out of control when they meet some wild girls (who act tamer than even the prudest BYU freshman). They also listen to rowdy jazz music (When the Saint's Come Marching In), drive really fast, and ultimately find a can of "teeny, weeny beer." "Mmmm...beer!"

This movie is soo awesome in its awfulness. It's like watching an incredibly awkward blind date, but it just keeps getting worse and worse. You simply have to watch it.

Salt Lake City Declares War On Sandy!

This made me laugh pretty hard...recently Robert Kirby of the Salt Lake Tribune chaperoned a number of 2nd graders to meet with the mayor of Salt Lake City. As reported in his column, Kirby documented the first crucial question the kids would ask their mayor:

Kid No. 1: 'Are you going to start a war with Sandy City?'
Mayor's Answer: 'What? Of course not. Sandy City is our neighbor and friend.'

All I have to say is I'd like to see a Salt Lake City army try to get through Murray to invade Sandy! I don't know which would claim more victims: the asbestos tainted ground, strip clubs and state liquor stores, or the ridiculously affordable cars.

Smokestacks for Life!

Crazy People Make Me Laugh

Crazy people make me laugh. Always have, probably always will. I always get a thrill meeting strange people, and my life certainly has not been found lacking in that department. Which may be why I find the web strip Garfield Minus Garfield so hilarious...the website describes this as a comic about "schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and the empty desperation of modern life." When I was a kid, I thought Garfield was hilarious. This is way funnier than I remember it being...

Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower today.

Now I know what you're thinking, I'm a handsome, single, free-lovin' guy. What on earth was I doing at a baby shower?

That's easy to explain. I was invited.

One of my good friends (who just so happens to be Happy! Wahoo! I love Happy People!) was having a baby shower and decided to have a co-ed baby shower. She invited me and all of my roommates to come. The others felt uncomfortable about the idea of going to a baby shower, so they chickened out. I guess I just love her more than them, either that or I'm more starved for entertainment and adventure.

Getting a gift certificate at Target (because I didn't feel comfortable picking out baby clothes or diapers...I don't even know if it's going to be a boy or girl), and having made a hilarious card, I felt ready for my cultural experience with the female gender. Not having any sisters, it felt like scenario Terry Pratchett wrote about where a knight enters a cave with a nearby sign saying "Here be Dragons."

The Front and Back of the Card, featuring myself and Mrs. Duncan with Michelle Chisholm, my roommate's sister.

Hoping into my car, I began driving towards the address on the card. 18 N. 1500 E. Now, I don't know how well you know Provo, but there is no such place as 18 N. 1500 E. The area where that address should be is actually part of the state mental hospital. Now, I already knew that there was a mental hospital there, but since the address said there was a house there, I figured there must have been a cottage or something there right next to it. I'm sure they joke a lot about their crazy neighbors. Maybe the patients do their yard work or something, right? That seemed perfectly logical at the time.

The inside of the card, featuring members of the Waipahu 3rd Ward Primary. From left to right, Sister Boaz (neice of my companion who taught me Marshallese), Paul Ceaser (grandson of the woman who made the amimono flowers in my car), Jun Jun (William Swain Jr., the son of the man who translated the Marshallese Book of Mormon), and Brother Boaz (again, the nephew of Bryan Boaz). Further proof that Marshallese kids are the cutest in the world.

So there I was driving up to the state mental hospital looking for a baby shower, thinking how absurd all of this was. Of course there was no cozy little cottage with mental patients doing the yard work outside, just the mental hospital, with loonies running around in the road, like I'd been expecting.

Now, a more stubborn/crazy person would probably burst through the doors of the loony bin shouting "Hey everybody! The parties here! Wahoo! Where's the baby?! Who has the baby? Did you bring the diapers?" and so on, and would probably found himself doing the "yard work" a few hours later.

Because I'm not that dumb or stubborn, I broke down and called them to find out that the correct address was really around 1800 N. Whoops, now there's a typo. I found the real address and had a crazy fun time with my friends there. Mrs. Jessi was literally twice as big as the last time I saw her, which I thought was awesome. Oh, and don't worry, there were more guys there than girls when I showed up, and I didn't see a single diaper. The only baby shower game I saw was Mario Kart 64 on the Nintendo, so it hardly felt like a baby shower at all. No dragons at all.

I have a British friend (who is also Happy) who is always trying to get me to quit my day job and become a movie writer because she thinks my stories are hilarious. That scenario with the guy bursting into the mental hospital looking for a baby shower probably make for a pretty unique movie. We could even call it "Baby Shower."

Maybe I shouldn't quit my day job just yet...