Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower today.

Now I know what you're thinking, I'm a handsome, single, free-lovin' guy. What on earth was I doing at a baby shower?

That's easy to explain. I was invited.

One of my good friends (who just so happens to be Happy! Wahoo! I love Happy People!) was having a baby shower and decided to have a co-ed baby shower. She invited me and all of my roommates to come. The others felt uncomfortable about the idea of going to a baby shower, so they chickened out. I guess I just love her more than them, either that or I'm more starved for entertainment and adventure.

Getting a gift certificate at Target (because I didn't feel comfortable picking out baby clothes or diapers...I don't even know if it's going to be a boy or girl), and having made a hilarious card, I felt ready for my cultural experience with the female gender. Not having any sisters, it felt like scenario Terry Pratchett wrote about where a knight enters a cave with a nearby sign saying "Here be Dragons."

The Front and Back of the Card, featuring myself and Mrs. Duncan with Michelle Chisholm, my roommate's sister.

Hoping into my car, I began driving towards the address on the card. 18 N. 1500 E. Now, I don't know how well you know Provo, but there is no such place as 18 N. 1500 E. The area where that address should be is actually part of the state mental hospital. Now, I already knew that there was a mental hospital there, but since the address said there was a house there, I figured there must have been a cottage or something there right next to it. I'm sure they joke a lot about their crazy neighbors. Maybe the patients do their yard work or something, right? That seemed perfectly logical at the time.

The inside of the card, featuring members of the Waipahu 3rd Ward Primary. From left to right, Sister Boaz (neice of my companion who taught me Marshallese), Paul Ceaser (grandson of the woman who made the amimono flowers in my car), Jun Jun (William Swain Jr., the son of the man who translated the Marshallese Book of Mormon), and Brother Boaz (again, the nephew of Bryan Boaz). Further proof that Marshallese kids are the cutest in the world.

So there I was driving up to the state mental hospital looking for a baby shower, thinking how absurd all of this was. Of course there was no cozy little cottage with mental patients doing the yard work outside, just the mental hospital, with loonies running around in the road, like I'd been expecting.

Now, a more stubborn/crazy person would probably burst through the doors of the loony bin shouting "Hey everybody! The parties here! Wahoo! Where's the baby?! Who has the baby? Did you bring the diapers?" and so on, and would probably found himself doing the "yard work" a few hours later.

Because I'm not that dumb or stubborn, I broke down and called them to find out that the correct address was really around 1800 N. Whoops, now there's a typo. I found the real address and had a crazy fun time with my friends there. Mrs. Jessi was literally twice as big as the last time I saw her, which I thought was awesome. Oh, and don't worry, there were more guys there than girls when I showed up, and I didn't see a single diaper. The only baby shower game I saw was Mario Kart 64 on the Nintendo, so it hardly felt like a baby shower at all. No dragons at all.

I have a British friend (who is also Happy) who is always trying to get me to quit my day job and become a movie writer because she thinks my stories are hilarious. That scenario with the guy bursting into the mental hospital looking for a baby shower probably make for a pretty unique movie. We could even call it "Baby Shower."

Maybe I shouldn't quit my day job just yet...